dearest oldsmobile:
your ever-increasing complaints are growing louder by the mile, so today you're going to visit hank-the-mechanic. please comply with all of his wishes. see, he loves you nearly as much as i do; he only criticizes because he cares.
your recent and sudden decline saddens and alarms me so. we have great times together - you're my favorite travel companion for sure. no one else knows my true feelings like you. no one else appreciates my road rage, a.d.d. music choices, and ocd behaviors regarding soft drinks and french fry salt (a console is an area that deserves the utmost respect).
all of this being said, know that this note is not a goodbye or farewell. this is, for all intensive purposes, a get well soon notes.
xoxo
your faithful & loving driver, hjm.
ps. you're feeling better later and it's still sunny outside, we should totally jam to my new black keys album, ok?
